Unfocused third day

Breakfast was yogurt with half a Maryhill peach, some banana slices, and blueberries with a sprinkling of granola. The orange-gold of the peach looked beautiful next to the dark purple of the blueberries. It was a contrast of flavors, too, all of them sweet except the plain yogurt. I focused on the moist crunchiness of the peach and the dry crunch of  granola along with the smooth yogurt, the squishy banana, and the firm round blueberries. The sun had just come out, and Kieran nosed around next to my feet, looking for hazelnuts on the ground. He found some and crunched them between his back teeth, eyes going unfocused with the sheer pleasure of it. I took another bite of peach. Fruit is solidified sunshine, I thought.

I kept checking to see whether I was full yet, but I couldn’t tell. Although I was very aware of the flavors and textures in my mouth, I couldn’t feel what was happening in my stomach. I realized that I usually fix myself the amount I think I should have and eat that. Feeling full doesn’t happen until later, and if I don’t serve myself a portion beforehand, if I’m not paying attention, I will just keep eating.

Later, I got distracted by the situation at work and completely forgot to pay attention while I was eating lunch.

For supper, I kept it simple with a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk out on the deck. My mind kept going off on tangents, and I kept bringing it back. I’m discovering that food eaten with my full attention, even something as ordinary as a peanut butter sandwich, is much more satisfying. I may not know whether my stomach feels full, but I’m not craving more. Maybe that is feeling full.

This is just the third day, and for one whole meal, I completely forgot about eating mindfully.

But as the I Ching keeps reminding us, perseverance furthers.


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